What is my search?

To all or none,

What is my search? Why am I ,reading ,finding meanings to pali or sanskrit words,
why am I reading suttas that I cannot even pronounce the word?
I am a late bloomer in Buddhism.
Back to the search.That search has up to now,changed me into a better person.
Knowledgeable not too bad on buddhism,et this is not my search.

Two lineages one is Galupca if I remember right ,part of the Vajrayana lineage and one of the Pure land lineages that promise Enlightenment within this life.
All my life,I was a mentally sick child.Always or almost first in class ,always called a know-it-all.Guess my karma was not all bad ,because intelligence and knowledge had come with the sufferings.

In this instant,in this NOW,I am restful,pure in my thoughts, pure in my actions,just Pure.Going from a person that could not stand still,because of anxiety and panics,here I sit,writing in a slow way ,undisterbed by the ambiant noise.I have reached more than I was searching for,much more.

Wether or not ,I  reach Enlightenment or not, I do no not give a rat's ass about it.All that I am NOW,and all the other NOWS,may they be as simple as this ONE.

Loongdragon